Dear Mother,

I feel badly writing you this letter, but you get on my nerves sometimes and you don't stop talking (or smoking) long enough for me to tell you so.
Thank you for coming over to spend a few days with Pants and me while Shane is out of town. No, it is not alright if you sleep in the same room with the baby--your snoring will wake him up. But you didn't listen to me and he woke up. A lot. Um, thanks?
Sure, I will go and buy cleaning supplies so that you can clean the kitchen and the bathroom--even though it makes me feel like you think my house is dirty. Whatev.
And finally, Mom, my in-laws are coming into town this weekend. And you know that the family is getting together with them to hang out. No, I don't want a chocolate sheet cake or a store bought cake. I would NEVER hear the end of it. I just want you to make what I ask you to make!
Okay. I feel better now.
Hugs and kisses,
Your Daughter